....................

I find myself staring at msn.

Plesse give me another chance

Today is the 20th of May, it is my one year anniversary with my dearest Irene. What would be a very memorable day for my dearest love, turned out to be a huge disappointment to her. When confronted i did not know what to say, so i guess the best way for me is to write.

One year of being with her. Being together with someo0ne i truly adore, someone i truly love. I was gonna make it a great day.

The plan was simple. She once told me about a movie about Helen Keller she watched when she was young. It was one movie she really liked wanted to watch again. I sought for it and i found it on the video ezy website. So the plan was to meet her after work with a bouquet of flowers and the dvd secretly in my bag which was to surprise her. Then i would invite her to have dinner at Jeremy's on the next day, telling her that tonight we will watch the movie i rented and we proceed to have a meal anticipating the next day's dinner. So it would be simple after work i'll meet her at the mall. On the way back i would drop by video ezy get the dvd, drop by to get some flowers for her. I was thinking wollies do sell flowers so it'll be great.

This was what happen today. I finish work a bit later then 2pm, i called her right after finish as i was leaving. The bus didn't arrive till 2:40. Anyways, i got to video ezy and they don't have the dvd. I was caught off guard. Suddenly the whole point of her going to the mall seem irrelevant. I persisted and decided to check on a dvd shop hoping that i could find it there. I did not find it. Realise i was running out of time i decided i'll just get her the flowers. When i got to woollies, i realize that i made a very bad choice deciding to buy flowers from woolies. After some thinking i decided to buy her a bouquet of rose, which i felt was the better looking one. Irene was starting to call me while i was at the counter. Decided to call her after i paid, since it was my turn.
The flower look well wrap above but were not actually wrap. Anyways i asked if i could get it wrap and it was wrap in a plastic bag.

To summarise, she ended up waiting for me for an hour, hungry and dissapointed. Waiting for a call, hoping to spend some time with me while eating lunch.

I am sorry. I make no excuses for what happen today.It never was my intention for this to happen, not on this day. I did not know what to say cause i could see the disappointment in your face. I tried to explain but i couldn't. I let you down, i'm sorry.

You mean a great deal to me and right now i feel terrible of what has happen. I really don't know how could tell you all this so i decided to type.

Please give me a chance to make it up to you.

I really hope you will accept my invitation to have dinner with me tomorrow to celebrate us. The dinner would be at 7pm and i will be waiting for you in the city at Queens St.

I cannot undone what i have done today, but please give me a chance tomorrow, to show you how special you are to me.

Please give me a chance.

I'm feeling cold

My world is slowly collapsing around me

I am to be blamed

I love you.

I am sorry.

All sussed out?

I'm feeling frustrated.

Thinking back of who i was, what i used to do, music i use to listen to, the person i wanted to be.

Seems so long ago...........

I miss, i long at times.

I'm aware its the past, but instead build the future you want.

Just looking inwards for inspiration, cause i have to believe in myself to get where i want to be.

I need the reckless self belief i once had, minus the reckless of course.

I use to believe i was meant for great things

They say i can do anything, with faith like a child

I'm not making sense.

Will start work at a new place tomorrow.

Will update more frequently

Will start a series of essays.

Maybe recollection pieces, reviews, who knows maybe my first short story.

Looking to write more positive.

Probably will start writing stuff i'm passionate about, thoughts

But i guess i'll stay off football for the moment in term of blogging

it will however have the occasional cameo appearance.

So keep an eye on this blog.

My head hurts.......

My head hurts even more now.

Took some panadol. Gonna sleep for a while

I GOTTA LIFT.....

My assignment is due, my head hurts.

Can't stop thinking about so many thinks. I cannot afford to fail in what i have set up to pursue, it is not an option to fail. I want to stay here, i want to live a life that i am proud of.

I have to be determine, accomplish what i set out to achieve. I once told myself i was meant for great things to happen. I have to believe again.

I have to sacrifice, i have to keep looking at my target. I want to live my life well, to the fullest, with balance.

I want to be person i have always wanted to be.....

A lot of work needs to be done. I have one shot, i have to give my all.

Lose focus and i will fall back.

I slowly starting to realize what life is kinda like.

I have struggle and work for what i want, i have to make sacrifices

Everything i gain is from what i sow.

Sometimes i feel so left behind, feel so useless, feel upset that i am not as good as i thought i was. I cannot dwell any longer. I must fight it, I must not give up.

I need fire, I need the will of a thousand man.

I need to be a Robson or Keane, I have to inspire........

I am clutching on anything can right now.

My life begins today, everyday, I want to live it right.....

I want to feel inspired, motivated, i want to move with purpose.

I want to believe, i want to chase dreams, do the impossible and yet survived in this harsh world.

I was always living in a bubble and now i am thrust into the deep end. I am being swept away by the currents of it all. I can't give up, i want to face the current. I have to be strong. I have to screamed it all out.

FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT FIGHT



You gotta
Lift yourself up above all the hurt
Don't give in
Wipe your eyes and remember
You're better than this
Let them know
That they took their best shot
And missed
C'mon and lift......

Sat on a roof......

I'm not on a roof....
I wish i was though........
Feel like sitting on the balcony, the weather is kinda hot.

Ordinary World - Duran Duran

When i hear this song i feel a tinged of sadness mixed with amusement. I guess its got to do with the George Best video i saw on youtube last year.

It also reflects a lot on how i feel at this moment.

" What is happening to it all?
Crazy some say-
Where is the life that I recognise?
Gone away.

But I won't cry for yesterday.
There's an ordinary world somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world
I will learn to survive".

Rest in Peace Bestie.

random story.

On one strangely cloudy californian afternoon, three hollywood actors were discussing their career directions. The three present were, the future Governor of California, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Slyvester Stallone of Rocky fame and the Muscle from Brussels Jean-Claude Van Damme. The three actions stars were unhappy that they were constantly stereotype to action and emotionless characters. They all wanted to expnad their craft and show that they were much more versatile performers and thus gain the respect as serious actors they trully craved. Stallone commented that a friend of his dropped him a script. It was a semi-biographical epic about the 3 great musicians in history, chronicling their their triumphs and tragedies. Reading through the script, the 3 screen stars got really excited and wanted to make this film a reality. After several minute of silence, Sly Stallone proclaimed loudly in his trademark slur and snarl, "I'll be Mozart!" Van Damme responded, " Then I'll be Chopin!"and Schwartznegger responded in his familiar Austrian accent, "I'll be BACH!!"